Sunday, January 10, 2010


Second in our list of spawn: Micah. Micah is 14 years old and a freshman in high school. He towers over everyone but Scott. He's over 6 feet tall and wears a men's size 14 shoe. Micah is very creative, artistic, musical, and emotional. He is eager to please and always willing to help. Micah can be difficult and moody, and he doesn't seem to have an internal gauge letting him know when it is time to stop being obnoxious. He means well, but his joking around can drive his siblings (and us) a little nuts.

In our school district, teachers do home visits once a year to better understand their students' families and home lives. On one particular Saturday, Hannah's teacher came over for a visit. Micah had been playing a particularly rough game in the rec room which had resulted in another child being smacked to the floor with an empty trash can (don't ask me). I sent him to his room upstairs just to diffuse the situation and quiet things down. He argued with me and started flipping out about how unfair I was being. I told him to shut the door and that I'd talk to him about it after he had calmed down. As I worked on the dishes downstairs, listening to the delightful sounds of Micah's muffled slander as he yelled into a pillow about me, I noticed our 33 pound cat, Jabba, running around the backyard like he was on fire. Jabba NEVER runs. The dogs were chasing him, and Jabba was making noises that no cat should make. I ran outside, caught Jabba, and noticed that his face was covered in some kind of reddish slime. I wasn't sure what it was, but I ran him back into the house and tried spraying it out of his eyes with the kitchen sink attachment. He proceeded to draw blood from my stomach by clawing at me, and he urinated all over me and the kitchen counter. I got him cleaned up as best as I could, and then I went outside thinking I'd find a rattlesnake or something similar. They can shoot venom, right? That was my thinking... I really had no idea. As I tiptoed around the yard with my torn up, bloody, urine-soaked clothing, Micah decided to start protesting his detention by yelling down from the second story window about how unfair I was. We were pretty new to the neighborhood and trying to make a decent impression on our neighbors, and here I was, stained with blood and urine, yelling "STOP TALKING, MICAH!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs to his bedroom window. I came inside after finding nothing, calmly said hello to Hannah's teacher, and marched upstairs to Micah's room.  While NOT using my quiet voice, I read him his rights, left him dumbfounded, closed his door, said a sweet hello again to Hannah's teacher and asked if I could offer her a refreshment, changed my shirt, and finished the dishes. Micah hasn't ever pulled that kind of attitude with me again, and I'm sure Hannah's teacher thinks I am completely insane or at least bipolar. And the red gunk in Jabba's eyes? Horny toad spray. Hope he learned his lesson.

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