This morning was sadly typical. On a typical morning when I telecommute, I wake the kids up at 6am, and then I try to sleep until 7:30am. That extra hour and a half of sleep means the world to me. The kids are old enough to eat a bowl of cereal, put on the clothes we laid out the night before, and get to the bus stop by 6:55am, right? Unfortunately, they cannot stay away from me. Not even for five minutes. Here is today's rundown.
1) KNOCK KNOCK. Hannah: "Mom, Noah is coughing SO bad this morning. It sounds like he is coughing his lung up." (I told her coughs are always worse in the morning when you first get up.)
2) KNOCK KNOCK. Paul: "Mom, someone left the cap off of the toothpaste and now it looks like cement." (I unplugged it for him.)
3) KNOCK KNOCK. Ashton: "Rach, I need your John Doe on my Friday folder." Me: "You mean my John Hancock? I'm pretty sure you don't want a dead guy on your Friday folder that no one can identify." (I signed it.)
4) KNOCK KNOCK. Noah: "Mommy, I think I just coughed up my lung." (I checked him for a fever, listened to his chest for wheezing, and told him he was fine.)
5) KNOCK KNOCK. Hannah: "Mom, my hair has this huge bump in it and it won't go down." (I sprayed it with leave-in conditioner.)
6) KNOCK KNOCK. Paul: "Mom, I can't find my glasses." Me: "They are on your face, Paul."
7) KNOCK KNOCK. Noah: "Is Bootstrap wearing a cake icing cone on his neck?" Me: "No, it's to keep him from licking his stitches." Noah: "So is there icing in the cone?"
8) KNOCK KNOCK. Hannah: "I have to get picked up early today because Naomi's sister has to be at school early." Me: "Ok." Hannah: "So I have to get picked up early, ok?" Me: "That's what I said." Hannah: "Ok. I'm leaving early today."
9) RING RING. Paul calls my cell phone from the home phone to tell me that he has radio broadcast club today after school.
10) KNOCK KNOCK. Ashton: "Can we open another box of cereal?" (I make them ask permission, otherwise we have about 11 boxes open and they all go stale.)
11) KNOCK KNOCK. Ashton: "Did you sign my field trip permission slip?" Me: "Yes, I signed that on Sunday, and I put it in your homework folder yesterday morning." Ashton: "Ok, where is my homework folder?"
12) RING RING. Hannah calls my cell phone from the home phone to complain that Paul is making obnoxious noises.
13) KNOCK KNOCK. Noah: "Mose keeps trying to get the bird." Me: "Where is he?" Noah: "The bird, or Mose?" Me: "MOSE, obviously, since the bird is in his cage." Noah: "He's laying on top of the birdcage." Me: "Just have Hannah grab him and put him in my room."
14) NO KNOCK- JUST BURSTING INTO MY ROOM. Hannah: "Mose is psychotic. He just jumped out of my arms and broke your red vase." (I vacuumed up the glass.)
15) KNOCK KNOCK. Noah (giggle giggle): "Helo (our boxer) has gas today." (I don't respond.)
16) KNOCK KNOCK. ME: "I give up."