Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Procreation

Me: "This is the 2nd time this week that you have kicked Noah there. Do you want him to be able to have kids someday?"

Paul: "He can't. He's male."

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Task of Showering

I worked 16 hours straight yesterday with no lunch, so this morning I decided to sleep in a bit. When I got up to take my shower, I was interrupted at least ten times. Examples:

Hannah: "Mom, are you naked?"
Me: "What do you think, Hannah? I'm in the shower."
Hannah: "Well can you let me in?"
Me: "In the shower?"
Hannah (laughing): "No, I just want to use your brush."
Me: "You need to give me some privacy."
Hannah: "Well it's not like I've never seen boobs before."

Noah: "Mom? Paul's not letting me have a turn on the computer."
Me: "I'm in the shower, Noah. I can barely hear you."
Noah: "MOM? PAUL'S NOT LETTING ME HAVE A TURN ON THE COMPUTER."
Me: "Noah, please let me take a shower in peace."
Five minutes later... Noah: "Mom? Are you done yet?"
Me: "I asked you to leave me alone for a little while."
Noah: "I left you alone for like 20 minutes. You're just taking forever!"
Me: "Please go away."
Noah: "Ok, I'll just wait here by the door until I hear the water turn off."

Paul: "Mom? Can you initial my chore chart?" (yes, we do chore charts)
Me: "Paul, I'm in the shower."
Paul: "Well this marker is probably waterproof."
Me: "Is the paper?" (being sarcastic)
Paul: "It's laminated."
Me: "Paul, please leave me alone so I can finish showering."
Paul: "Are you shaving your legs? Because they felt spiky the other day when we were reading."
Me: "Thanks for letting me know."
Paul: "I was just worried."
Me: "Why?"
Paul: "Because your leg felt like a man."
Me: "The reason I don't have time to shave sometimes is because you guys always interrupt my showers."
Paul: "Well maybe you should just get an electric razor for outside the shower."
Me: "Maybe you should just stop telling me about my hairy legs."
Paul: "Just be sure to shave before we swim on Saturday."

Tober: "Rach? Can I go over to Chelsea's house early?"
Me: "Do you need me to drive you?"
Tober: "Yeah."
Me: "Well do you want me to drive you there dripping wet and naked?
Tober: "Uh... no."
Me: "Then please leave me alone while I'm in the shower."

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

God vs Steak

Ashton during dinner tonight: "Steak is the best thing in the universe."
Paul: "No it's not, God is."
Noah: "But you can't eat God, and God isn't juicy and delicious."

It Grows Back

What do you do when your 7 year old asks you if he can shave his head and draw an arrow on it so he looks like The Last Airbender? Let him do it! Why not? It's summer, and you only get to be a kid once.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Boobs

Noah: "There's a bump on my chest. I walked into Paul's bike handle. Do you think it's a fracture?"

Me: "No, it's just a bump. It will go away."

Noah: "And you're sure I'm not growing a boob, right?"

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Web Activity

Me: "You're not allowed to get on the internet without an adult there."

Noah: "But I only go to sites for kids, like Build Your Own Avatar."

Me: "Well sometimes people put bad things on the internet and try to make them look like kids' sites."

Noah: "Like what?"

Me: "Like you might click on Build Your Own Avatar and see someone's privates."

Noah: "So then it would be like Build Your Own Pants for the Wiener?"

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Chicken Bones

Noah: "If you put a chicken bone in a jar of vinegar for a few days, the acid will eat away the calcium and make the bone rubbery. You need calcium for hard bones."

Me: "What if I want rubbery bones so I can be more flexible?"

Noah: "You'd better find a BIG jar of vinegar."

Captain Underpants

Noah is reading the Captain Underpants books, so naturally he has to dress the part. He has been in this outfit (more or less- with nightly underwear changes) for over a week now.