Paul: "Mom, I was filling in my calendar just now. I don't want to alarm you, but your birthday falls on a full moon this year. Which may make you a werewolf."
Noah (after a missing child poster is shown on TV): "Why would someone want to kidnap a kid? We're adorable and entertaining, but we're pretty useless for information."
Scott: "I'm starting my diet tomorrow."
Paul: "FINALLY. It's about time."
Scott: "Gee thanks, Paul. I'm not THAT fat."
Paul: "Let me put it to you this way. If my belly is a lake, your belly is a vast ocean."